“I don’t know what people expect from a typical woman, but you’re not it,” my first manager at Facebook (now Meta) said to me in my first performance review. “Thank you?” I said, not quite sure what to say. I don’t actually think it’s a conflict that I am both a woman and, as a midlevel employee at the time, felt like it was an obvious part of my job to tell VPs what to do. That as a manager I would fight to promote women on my team, and give them the toughest feedback, straight from my heart. That I would fire people to keep my team strong. That I would look any man in the eye and also hold space for him to be vulnerable.
My grandmother’s last words to me were, “Love each other. Stay together,” pointing at my aunts and my husband and my son. She knew this was no easy task. That it’s women’s work, in the highest sense of that phrase, to bring a family together, with all the tasks that requires. To uphold connection – to pick up the phone and call your aunt. To stay with the spiky moments in your marriage and be present with the rollercoaster of parenting. To create events, occasions that are so lush and enticing that family cross states and fly planes to be there.
In spiritual circles and in pop culture, there’s often reference to this age as witnessing “the rise of the divine feminine,” and I’ve been thinking about what that means to me. “Feminine” is not limited to high heels and lipstick, though it can dress up that way, and sometimes I do. It’s not the domain of only women, though our hormones seemed tuned for it. “Feminine” can sometimes be a mother, and also a warrior when necessary. “Feminine” is fierce love. Fierce love for the sake of our sacred dreams and our right to embody them in this lifetime. Fierce love to protect and support each other, to push each other and the systems we’re entwined with. Fierce love to come together, to take our selves and our sisters seriously.
Imagine that this type of feminine energy is a resource available to all of us, regardless of our gender. It may not always feel safe to embody and express it, but it’s ours, and it’s here. How would you use this resource? What would you direct your fierce love towards, and how is that present in your life and work right now?
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